The Cult of the Dead Cow is pleased to announce the first in a series of
executions designed to make the Internet a better place for all humanity.
The cDc Ninja Strike Force, headed up by Tweety Fish and his first in
command, known only as "Weapon X", descended first upon the home of one
Craig Shergold, a small boy living in a remote village in England. People
in the know will remember Shergold as the boy trying to set a Guiness Book
of World Records mark for most number of 'Get Well Cards' received.
Shergold was found guilty of "Crimes against the Internet" by Mr. Fish,
who served as judge and jury for the event. His crime was merely to have
existed in the first place, as the Internet has been choked with gigabytes
of unwanted mail pleading to send his cards in various forms.

Mr. Shergold, now 16, pleaded for his life in a very babyish way. "God
no!" Mr. Shergold was quoted as screaming as he was dragged from his bed
at approximately 2am local time. "I wasn't the person who sent that
Internet shit! I don't even know how to..."

The rest of his quote was unintelligible, as he was screaming from the
ritualistic disembowelment that Weapon X, designated executioner, served
with his razor studded VR Gloves. After Shergold was left with his lower
colon stuffed down his esophagus, the body cavity was filled with "Get
Well" email from Gene Spafford and his toes were cut off so that he might
bleed to death in that way, in extreme pain and agony for the final hour
of his life.

Upon his death, Shergold's head was decapitated and sent back to the cDc
labs to determine if he had in fact ever had any type of life threatening

The cDc would like to thank everyone involved for their cooperation, and
Tweety Fish personally consoled Ms. Shergold, much to the chagrin of MR.
Shergold. Mr. Fish was quoted as saying "The little shitheel had it
coming, and now so has Mrs. Shergold. Let it bew known throughout the land
that this is the punishment reserved for those who send MAKE.MONEY.FAST
schemes, Messages about the "Good Times" virus", and those asshole Green
Card lawyers. As a matter of fact, they're fuckin' next."

Weapon X was unavailable for comment.

The Cult of the Dead Cow would like to announce the "Reign of Terror" 
designed to quell stupid and lame behavior on the Internet. This edict was
handed down by Dem0nseed Elite, as he is currently engaged in fighting the
never ending battle against Micro$oft and has authorized the formation of
vigilante squads to deal with the growing problem of lameness on the net. 
You too can join in the fun -- If you have information about Crimes
Against the Internet, please forward all mail to .