I'd like to personally apologize for our CULT OF THE DEAD COW site being down
last week.  As any half-assed market researcher is aware, we have the entire
15-34 year old segment completely owned in the new media consciousness.  I
know our down-time must have been a hassle as you were falling over yourselves
to evaluate our IPO potential.  Please be assured, however, that such quality
literature as "Sex With Satan" and "Hacking Into Hell" can be viewed now
online as you perform due-diligence.

It was a busy week.  I told the temp agency I needed a break and flew off to
partake a bit of my on-the-go, jet-setting lifestyle with a trip to Austin,
Texas to visit my girlfriend.  Then we had a fight and broke up and I was
cooling my heels alone at the Quality Inn for the remainder of the stay.
Oops.  And then I was thinking about Bill Joy from Sun and the stuff I read in
_Wired_ about how he said the evil robots were going to take over the world.
So I was plotting schemes to encode my consciousness into a virus so I'll be
ready to survive when the inevitable robot action goes down.  And then I
returned to our cDc World Headquarters in New York City and we all ate at the
crazy Indian restaurant with the Christmas lights.  And then we went to the
drum & bass night at that club and danced around.  It was cool, and The
Exclusive met a chick with streamers on her cargo pants.  That was cool.  And
then I was thinking about all those new planets and the black hole I read
about on Slashdot.  New planets!  Wow!  And then I was cleaning up all the
mouse crap in the corner that made my room smell like a gerbil cage, and
wishing the glue traps had stronger glue.  I threw a mouse out the window the
other day!  I heard one rustling around in a pizza box in the kitchen, and I
picked up the box and hurled it out the window!  Yeah, mouse!  Fifth floor!
And then I found the bill from the site server on the floor too with the
little mouse turds, and they wanted lots of money a while ago.  Damn.

We here at cDc hope that you won't be put off by our sixteen-year unbroken run
of not turning a profit, and the fact that we blow our one and only revenue
source (t-shirt sales) on renting crazy lights and sound gear for our live
performances.  And the lawyer.  And lots of alcohol for the journalists.  Our
new spin-off venture, "hats4cats.com," will be a definite money-making winner.
We're going to corner the market on stylish, upscale headgear for foxy
felines.  Here's some ad copy I'm working on:

"As a new generation of cats get down to business, the rules change.
Conformity is out, INNOVATION IN.  Pushing the envelope, thinking out of the
box, speaking with a different voice.  Technology brings a new language and
NEW FORMS OF EXPRESSION, starting with a cat's hat.

No longer one in a sea of collars, individuality advances, and the boundaries
of traditional catwear stretch.  Cuts are sharp, FABRICS FORWARD, the outlook
strictly chic.

It's about looking ahead to stay ahead - on your own terms, IN YOUR OWN STYLE.

...HATS4CATS.COM. Get your meow in the mix..."

Are you excited yet?  You know I am.  As soon as the DKNY and Prada banner
ads start running, you'll be the first to know.  Really.


Would you like to come visit us in our luxurious cDc studio/office/living
space in Central Harlem to talk about our commercial potential?  It would be
considered 'hip' and 'edgy,' but there aren't quite enough whiteys here yet
for that.  You can take the A, B, C, or D to 145th and walk a half-dozen
blocks but you'll have to get your own subway token.  We keep phoning Jade
Jagger to see if she'll hang out and munch some Lil' Debbies with us, but so
far she hasn't returned our calls.  Will you be our celebrity friend instead?
Maybe we can stand around the sink and smack the roaches as they crawl out the
drain.  It's pretty neat.  Don't you guys get paid there at SUCK.COM?  That's
pretty neat too.  How did you pull that off?  Are you hiring?  I need a job.

Grandmaster Ratte'/cDc
Imperial Wizard of Exxxtasy, Fearless Leader, Pope, and King of Rock.